I’m going to take a moment to discuss something personal. Why? Because it is definitely going to affect my teaching, and that’s what I write about: teaching.
On Wednesday morning, I woke up and got ready for work like always. I packed my lunch and breakfast (because I cannot eat first thing in the morning), and I left home to go to work. Before I left the house, I should’ve known something was wrong because my six-year-old cat who is clingy was extra clingy. He did not want me leaving the house, and it was all I could do to get out the door.
I drove towards work on my 30 minute commute and stopped at the convenience store that’s a mile from work to go grab some waters and a fountain drink. While standing in line, I noticed that I nearly dropped my drinks and had to shift hands. When reviewing all of this later with a neurologist, my last “normal” was getting into my car to leave for work.
I pulled into the parking lot and as I attempted to get out of the car, I fell back into the seat and it took me several tries to get out of the car and stand up. I dismissed it as old age.
I got into my classroom and sat down to pull up lessons, download lessons, and prepare for the day while eating breakfast. I still didn’t realize anything was wrong at this point; however, when I went to write my agenda on the board and change the date, I noticed that my arm felt sluggish. No problem. I must be tired, right?
I stood up from my chair, stumbled just a little and reached out to grab my phone, with my left hand. This in my mind was odd, because I’m right handed. I put the phone in my pocket, grabbed my face mask (left again), and went to the bathroom before I went to duty. My right side as I made this trek up the hallway felt like it weighed a ton. Even more so, my right arm didn’t swing when I walked, and I was walking with a limp.
I sat down in the gym for morning duty to monitor the kids, and my arm and leg felt different. I excused myself and told the other teacher on duty I’d be back. I never returned. My AP didn’t listen to me. She called me an ambulance. I told her I thought I was having a stroke, but I wanted to see the nurse and have my blood pressure checked. I didn’t have a headache (although the past 2 days I had a headache on my left side which is different from my usual right sided headache), and I wasn’t in any pain. I just couldn’t move my arm and leg like I wanted. I spent 4 days in the hospital, and I now have to have two weeks of intensive physical therapy to teach me to re-do all of those things I’ve taken for granted.
My right side tires easily. My speech slurs sometimes if I try to talk too fast. Some words I can’t pronounce at all. They wanted to say that I had a TIA (transient ischemic attack), but usually those do not leave behind residual weakness. Generally, once blood flow is restored, you are back to normal. I’ve had one of those on the left side before. This one? No.
I will return to work with a cane. I will need it for stability when my leg tires. I’m terrified of speaking in front of the class, mostly because of the occasional slur and the other because once my brain tires of thinking about the movements I need to make, I have trouble recalling words. At least it isn’t simple words that trouble me. It’s the larger ones. The ones that used to be so readily available to me to speak.
I’m sure teaching will look different when I return. I have to make a decision as to whether or not I continue next year. I have to decide if I can honor my contract this year. There are just so many decisions, but right now, I’m not ready to give up or give in. I’m ready to cross these obstacles.
