Over the years, I’ve learned that building a good rapport with my students is a priority when it comes to teaching. I have been in classrooms where students have continuously shut me out for one reason or another, and I’ve also been in classrooms where students enjoyed my class and were more than eager to share with me what was happening with them.

My first teaching experience was in a small, poor school district. I was warned that the community- and students- were unaccepting of outsiders. Not only would I be rejected, building trust would be my hardest obstacle due to the fact that I did not live or grow up in the area.

The principal who told me this was right. It was a challenge. The students tried everything possible to get rid of me; however, they didn’t know what it took for me to get there. Finally, after several weeks of constant pushback, I stood before them and stated, “I know you want me gone, but you have to understand that I spent everything to move here. I am too poor and too broke to leave. You are stuck with me until the end of the school year!”

It took some time. One by one the students began to trust me. At the end of the year, I had to move back home to take care of my father, and I was crying because I had to leave. A student who had given me a lot of trouble at the beginning of the school year walked in and saw me crying at my desk. “Who made you cry? Who I got to beat up?” You see, I was a second mom and a mentor to many of these students. It didn’t come easy. I had to prove my worth. By the end, I had fit in to that community.

I took that lesson to heart. Each school I taught at, I learned how to build up that rapport.

How do you build rapport?

For some students, building a rapport starts with a common interest. Attend activities. Talk about their favorite activities. Laugh and joke. Be real. Be vulnerable.

I have attended ballgames and concerts at school. Students need to see that you are going to show up for them no matter what. If a student tells you that you should attend, then definitely do it. I had a student who told me I should come to their band concert on the 16th of December. I asked them to remind me the next day in class to put it on my calendar. They did. They watched me as I wrote it down. I plan to attend.

Talk about things that are important. Do they talk about sports? Did you watch the same game? Is it a book series they like to read? Have you read it? Maybe they shared with you something that was going to happen? Make a mental note to ask them about it later. For example, a student shared that he was about to be an uncle. I made sure to ask when they had been out how their sister was and the new baby. They even showed me pictures.

Students will share with you those things that are important, and you need to allow that sharing. Cellphones are not allowed out, but if a student wants to show me a picture of the deer they shot, or the new baby goat that was just born on their farm, or the new bike that they received for Christmas, I am going to allow them to take out their phones and show me.

On that same note, let your students know that you are a real person, too. I’ll share pictures. I’ll share stories. I’ll share frustrations. I am human. I’m not different because I’m a teacher. Now, some things are too personal to share, and I think that we shouldn’t burden our students with our problems, but I will share about my grandchildren doing something bizarre. I’ve shared stories about my childhood when I had a close encounter with a ghost. (I’m still not certain about what happened there, but nothing can explain it) And usually, when I share, they have a similar story of ghosts or siblings, etc.

What are the payoffs?

The result of this rapport that I am building with my students is better classroom management. Students behave better for those teachers that they like. They also know just how far things will go before I rein them in. With me being sick this year, many of my students now take note and react according to my outer appearance. Many can identify when I’m not having a fantastic day health-wise. I’ve even had some that have identified immediately, even before I’ve sensed it myself, when I need help. I guess that’s what happens when you teach the same students for 2 years in a row. My 7th graders are pretty awesome about stepping up and helping in the classroom.

In general, having that rapport with your students can make for a successful school year. Start at the beginning of the year when you hand out those lovely interest surveys for your students to complete. Read them. Find out what they like. What type of music? What books? Build on it from there. I think you’ll find that the importance of having a good relationship and rapport with your students will be better than any classroom management plan that you could create.

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